Kevin Durant Does Not Deserve NBA Finals MVP
Finals MVP Could Have Gone to a Toaster
Kevin Durant takes the 2017 NBA Finals MVP award. He smiles at the cameras while the real winner is nowhere to be seen. One of them is a true champion. The toaster is the reason the Golden State Warriors came this far and is more deserving. The toaster could be considered MVP! Its magic allowed the Warriors to have a 16.5 point differential, in terms of average margin of victory. This little guy retails for $39.99 on the NBA’s online store under ProToast. Interestingly, it was half-price at one point before being sold out. Any team could have had a deal. With each penny spent, the Warriors have destroyed teams thanks to the combination of Klay Thompson and the toaster. In fact, the one loss before the postseason came when Thompson and the toaster’s magic were denied their unstoppable union, in the team’s season finale against the Jazz on April 11. Kevin Durant was on the floor for that loss; Thompson and his toaster were not.
The Toaster Was There for the Wins
This is not the first loss of the toaster, so there is a blemish on the record. However, the postseason has not seen a team of such dominance since the 1970 Milwaukee Bucks. The Warriors played with a 16.5-point average margin of victory; their regular-season rate was four points less. The toaster took the Warriors’ historical point differential into the postseason. The magic of the toaster is here. Though the toaster may not have a spotless win-loss record, this lasting dominant stretch is no less historical.
The first loss of the toaster and Thompson combination came at the hands of LeBron James and Kyrie Irving. The little-toaster-that-could just did not have an answer for the ferocity of a Cleveland Cavaliers team pushed to the brink. The overwhelming odds were too great for the toaster to win the day. Kevin Durant didn’t exactly step it up: 35 points, four rebounds, four assists, and a -22 rating.
Adversity Only Makes the Toaster Stronger
However, the real test was the bounce back game. The toaster had to slay the mighty king before it could enter its name into the history books as the world’s greatest inanimate basketball player. Ask any real life basketball player, fan, or observer. The stats will always be debatable if the championship hardware isn’t won. The toaster did it. It delivered, while Durant missed playoff games. While Durant was healing, the toaster never slept. While Durant was warming up, the toaster had already put in the work. The numbers speak for themselves. The toaster deserved the NBA Finals MVP award. Look at the numbers:
Thompson plans to extend an invitation to Reddit user /u/RDollaz and his toaster for the victory parade.
“I’ll invite the fan, but we were supposed to go 16-0 for everyone to get toasters,” Thompson told the media in the postgame press conference.
While they float through the crowd and the Bay Area welcomes its championship team, the crowd at home will look at Kevin Durant and see the truth. They’ll cheer for the real Finals MVP: the toaster!